I miss...us

I miss us.
The us when we first met.
The us when we sitting cross legged on a playground in the middle of the night facing each other.
The us that came first, not whenever convenient.
The us when we were IN love along with loving each other.
The us...the us that was you and me.
Mistakes, Regrets, Choices, and Life. Sometimes there are no second chances...or third...or tenth.
But just because I know it'll never happen again.

I miss when you would hold my hand in front of anyone. All I need right now is to hold you hand.

Jump. Scream. Dance. Live.

Sing It Loud concert was amazing last night. 

 Between Bead, Kelsie, Bryn, Gerlie, and Maddy I was with friends.  I got a picture with the bassist, Nathan Flynn-->

I also got autographs from Pat Brown (Lead Singer)
and Nathan Flynn (Bassist)  I am hoping to go see their last show in the cities on October 9th at Station 4.

All in All.
Jumping.
Screaming.
Dancing.
are my preferred way of Living.

Who is the worthiest dance partner?

It is Jesus. My Savior.  He will not let me lose balance or fall.
He will not let me get distracted and lose count.
He will not allow me to get hurt beyond healing.
He will keep me grounded while teaching me how to fly.
He will show me love, mercy, and grace.
He is my Savior.
He is my partner in the dance of life.

See that place?

See that place? The Country in red. That's Liberia. and I'm going there.  This Winter.

I am going first and foremost to serve my Lord God and spread his word and love. Making lasting friendships and deep impressions hopefully.
We don't yet know what city exactly or what type of work we'll be doing; but whatever the tasks I am so grateful to have such an opportunity to serve!

Also, we are selling bracelets and have fundraisers coming up to help offset the cost. If interested in supporting us, please let me know!

I am going on this trip of a lifetime with my best friend and sister in Christ; Dani Langowski.

You can reform, but you can't change.

Once you cut yourself, you are ALWAYS a cutter.  You may not always practice it, in fact you may stop cutting completely. But if you are the type of person (Me) that has turned to that ever, you are a CUTTER.

I don't care if no one else agrees with me, I will always believe that. When it comes to myself anyway.

Who determines valued reasons for self-harm anyway?  "Oh that girls just doing for attention, how pathetic"----"Oh, look at him I feel so bad for his suffering"

Who gave you the right to call her pathetic? Even if you know her,  you're not in her head.

It's a constant fucking struggle. 

(Is it really that obvious that I missed a couple anti-depressant dosages?)

Anywho...

I am becoming okay with the concept of Drivers Ed.  Three hours of forced boredom equals homework done in a timely fashion and without distraction. Also, the closer I get to my license the closer I am to not relying on mis padres para manejar.

*if you can't understand that, use a translator online. I'm not going to retype what I said in English*

I started the book "The House on Mango Street" for english class. I love it, for those of you who enjoy random, deep reads...I recommend. Also, it's very quick..I'm more than half way through it after only 45 minutes.

Assumptions are bad, don't make them about me or my intentions. Ask...you'll usually be surprised.

I wish people asked people questions more often, because lack of communication and confusion is a major downfall of society. On every level.

I'm debating dropped Concert Choir in favor of daily Symphonic band. Don't worry, I'll wait til next tri to decide.

My mind is on auto-pilot because I'm strangely tired, so I just wrote about everything on my mind.

Espera que te gusta mi nota!

Who says I can't be artistic?

Today was a day just like any other day.

 Except a boy took my breath away, that hasn't happened to be in over a year. 

That boy gives me the motivation to be well whatever I'd like to be. 

Maybe I want to take pictures, love my style and paint paintings. 

What if I want to dance as beautiful as anyone else?

 Or maybe...what if I just want to enjoy being creative? 

Who cares who thinks I am not, as long as I believe?

You tell me my friend, because really all I am is questions.

I want...Magic

                                                                                                             But what is magic?  Is it music? Is  it craziness that we call life? What are we supposed to be doing?

What if...we acted like everything was easy?  The grades, the guys, the photos, the outfits, the talents, and the living. Came across as if we were never troubled not even flustered? Would that be "Magic"?            

What I'm trying to get at is I have no idea what I'm doing. I wish all those things were easy, but none of them are, at least not all the time, and never all at once. I was doing a little wishing today. Wishing that a certain someone would text me, but more importantly wishing I didn't care. Psh...a little secret? I cared. 

I wish I could enjoy fashion and photos and not seem to be copying the lifestyles of my friends...but there's not original thought anyway so why should it matter?  What if I tried the art I wanted, the styles I wanted, the risks I wanted...What if?

Tonight, I'm going to say that tomorrow I'm taking a risk with my outfit. A small step, but I'll make sure I post a photo. ; )